It always hurts
by darklight417
Summary: Emily hate's herself for losing her, but does she still want Emily?
1. Second chances

A/N: I hope this isn't too bad, I'm open to any suggestions.

Disclaimers: I don't own Pretty little Liars or any of it's characters.

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_"Then look me in the eyes and tell me you have no feelings for me," she told rather than asked me. I felt the lump build in my throat as tear pooled in my eyes, unsure of what to say. "And I'll leave you alone for good," she continued sightly catching me off guard. Now completely unable to speak with the lump in my throat I fidgeted looking off to the side not wanting her to see my tears. Swallowing the lump in my throat I looked back at her before she walked with a stone face covering her emotions._

My vision blurred with fresh tears before my room had a chance to come into view. Clutching my chest in agony choked sobs escaped my lips as I lay in bed. It had been days since the prom and Toby's disappearance, but what tormented me most was the conversation between Maya and I. Every night since I'd been having that same dream and I always woke up crying. A few times my mother had geared me and come in and I'd just tell her it was a nightmare about Ali and she'd let it go. At school we'd see each other in the other halls but she always seemed to act like I didn't exist. It hurt when she did that but inside I knew that I deserved it.

I skipped school today for the first time in years, thankfully my mom worked all day so she didn't bombard me with questions. Yesterday had been just like the days before until I saw Maya, I'd finally decided to talk to her. I waited for her by the lockers after school, only to see her kissing another girl by the restrooms. I felt frozen to the to the spot with a heavy heart. Pulling away her eyes found mine for brief moment, the next thing I knew I was running. The last place I wanted to be was home so got my swim gear from my locker and headed for the lake in the park. I spent hours there, most of them were in the water or in the forest. Eventually I ended up crying my heart out deep in the forest by the stream until it started raining. Making my way back through the forest I changed back into my normal clothes before heading home. Making my way passed all the houses on to get to mine I felt numb and broken. My heart felt like lead as I took a shower and crawled in the bed.

Now I was alone curled up in bed since early this morning till late afternoon, with no more tears left to cry. I heard my mother mom come home and I knew she'd be up to check on me so I pretended I was asleep. After she'd come and gone I could hear muffled voices coming from downstairs before someone started up the stairs to my room. Again I faked sleep, only to have some one who clearly wasn't my mother take a seat on my bed. To be honest I really didn't want to talk to whoever it was, I just wanted them to go away.

"Emily I know your awake,"she stated,"People don't hold their breath when sleep"

"Go away Maya,' I told weakly.

"We need to talk,"

"I'm not feeling well, just go, please?"

"Not until we talk,"

"We can talk tomorrow, now go home it's late,"

"Well I'm not going anywhere, your my has invited me to stay since my parents are stuck in New York for the night,"

"Maya, there isn't anything to talk about,"

"Emily, look at me and tell me that we don't have anything to talk about,"

"Maya, I-."

"If you don't want to talk now then I wont make you, but I am going to make you move,"

"Why?"

"Because I kind of sleep in the middle,"

I couldn't help but smile a, little at the memory of when she'd spent the night. Moving over I felt Maya slip into bed next to me, but only as close as one could be when not being near me. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and kiss her, but I couldn't. So as soon as she fell asleep I got up and went over by the window, where I pulled my knees to my chest and cried the tears I thought were gone.

"Emily?"

I held my breath.

"What are you doing way over there,"

"Um the storm woke me up,"

"Liar," she said,

Bitting my lip I looked down having no response for her statement.

"Please can we talk now?"

"We, we just can't,"

"Emily, I'm sorry," she told me as she got up from the bed.

"You didn't do anything wrong,"

"I hurt you," she said sitting down next to me.

"It was my fault,"

"Emily," she whispered taking my face in her hands forcing me to face. I opened my mouth to say something but I was stopped by her lips on mine. At first I tried to pull away but she pulled me back each time. After a few attempts I finally gave in and returned her kiss as her body pressed closer to mine. I felt like we just weren't close enough no matter how close we were, even though there was no space between us. I poured my whole heart into the kiss, holding her tightly like she could disappear any moment, but there was something in the way she kissed me that promised she wouldn't.

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A/N: Not sure how much I'm gonna write or if I'm gonna make this a oneshot.

Please review let me know what you think.


	2. Do you mean it?

A/N: Heres the next chapter and I'm sorry if it takes a while for me to update.

Disclaimers: I don't own Pretty little Liars or any of it's characters.

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Returning to the bed in a attempt to get some more sleep before school we climbed back into bed. Wrapping her arms securely around me I retuned the gesture and drifted off to sleep. Hours later, okay maybe two, we got up and I swear seeing her first thing when I wake up was like a dream come true. Her head rested on her arm, her dark brown eyes staring into mine. Smiling back at her she gave me a quick peck on the lips and something about school before leaving to change. Changing myself she re-entered the room all ready to go and we headed out. My mom stopped us downstair for some much needed breakfast before actually letting us go.

Pulling up to school she gave me a quick kiss and got out of the car while I went to go park. Getting out of the car my phone started going off so I had to go rummaging through my bag to find it. I looked down at the screen where it flashed "New Message" and I opened it. "Hey, Em looks like things around her are gonna get a lot more truthful. Don't be so sure you wont get hurt by some of the secrets she's keeping. ( ; - A" I read to myself. Slightly aggravated about the text I deleted it, but as soon as I walked in the doors the part about Maya having secrets entered my mind as I remember the kiss she'd shared with someone the other day. I couldn't help myself, my thought began running wild and I began thinking of all the worst possibilities.

_Was she just playing with me last night because she thought I'd be fine with it? _"Hey Emily you ready for class?" she called from her locker. "Um, yeah let's go," I smiled walking over. "Hey, Maya!" beamed Mona as she made her way over. "Hey, you know Emily right?" asked giving Mona a hug. "Yeah through Hanna," stated Mona. "Alright let's go we don't want to be late," Maya said taking Mona's hand. I felt my heart drop as I walked behind them, thinking back to the girl Maya had kissed and I realized that it had been Mona. I remembered hearing all the rumors about Mona liking both guys and girls. Hanna had also told us that it wasn't true and maybe that because Mona had told her other wise. Entering the classroom I took my seat in the back next to Aria where I apparently look less than happy because the first thing out of her mouth was, "Hey, Em everything alright?" Inside I was screaming to say _Yes!_ but I knew better. "No, not at all why?" I responded.

"I don't know you just seem kind of down," observed Aria.

"No I'm fine I just didn't sleep well last night I might be getting sick, but no biggie," I smiled.

"Oh, well I hope you feel better soon,"

"Yeah same here,"

I think Aria had more to say but Mr. Fitz began talking and we both fell silent along with the rest of the class, for the most part anyway. I barely payed attention for the most of the class and as soon as the bell rang I was gone. Part of me just wanted to go home now but I knew my mother would be furious and I had three more classes to go through today one out of three I had with Maya. Stopping at my locker I shoved in my books for the previous class and retrieved the ones for chemistry. No more than a few seconds after I closed my locker Spencer, Hanna, and Aria appeared.

"Hey, Em could you have left any faster?" joke Hanna.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Spencer. "Everything okay?"

"What's wrong? And don't think we're going to buy the I wasn't feeling well story with running like that," Aria pointed out.

"It's nothing guys, I just forgot something well I thought I did," I lied.

"What was it?" they asked.

"I thought I'd dropped my phone because I couldn't find it and with the things "A" is sending us I wouldn't really want anyone to find it and turn it in to lost and found," I told them.

"Yeah I know what it's like to have someone find your phone with a text from "A" on it," sighed Aria.

"Well did you get it back?" asked Spencer.

"Um, yeah it had actually just been in my locker," I said holding up my phone.

"Anything new?" wondered Hanna.

"No, you guys?" I breathed turning the subject away from me.

"No," they said thankfully.

"Well I've got to get to my next," I waved leaving before they could ask any more questions. Sighing with relief I rushed off to my next class praying this day would be over soon so I could just go crawl under my bed and hide from the world even if only for the night, but my the rest of my life would be nice. Three more classes then that's it till tomorrow...

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A/N: OKay to be honest it's killing me to right this whole Mona/Maya stuff I hate it but in order for the story to go the way I want it there has to be that. *SPOLIERS* For those of you who know who A is it kind of explains why.

Please review let me know what you think.


	3. Dull aches and Heartbreak

A/N: Mona/Maya will be done by next chapter! Whoo!

Disclaimers: I don't own Pretty little Liars or any of it's characters.

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The final bell of the day ran and I couldn't be more relieved. Thankfully my last class with Maya hadn't been too bad since we had to go off in pairs and the teacher picked our partners, so I didn't have to talk to her. Half way to my locker I remembered I was her ride and my heart sank instantly, I was sure my she'd have noticed my odd behavior since this morning. "Hey, Emily!" greeted Maya as she walked up hand in hand with Mona. "Hey," I smiled. "I just stopped by to let you know that Mona was giving me a ride home," she told me wrapping and arm around Mona's waist. "Yeah, that fine I actually have some swim practice I have to do," I lied. "Great see you later," she winked walking away.

I can barely remember the drive home as I close the door to my room and lock it. Taking a seat by my window I closed the curtains and finally let the tears that had been build up all day fall. I just couldn't understand why Maya would do that to me. All I could feel was a dull ache in my chest like my heart had been ripped out, I wished that I didn't like girls or even guys, anybody, because I was alway the one who ended up broken hearted. The one thing I couldn't understand was why she'd come over act like that and then act like nothing happened as soon as we go to school. Slamming my fist into the wall I grabbed the closest object and flung it across the room right into a picture on top of my dresser. Walking over to pick it up I noticed my reflection in the mirror, and I hated it, no wonder Maya did that she was just toying with me. Letting out a cry of self hatred smashed my arm through the mirror sending the shards flying.

I whimpered at the sharp pain when the glass entered my skin as I stumbled back into the end of my bed. Now crying out of pain I removed the large shard embedded into my skin, revealing shallow and deep gashes along my right arm. Blood flowed freely and rapidly from my arms as I made an attempt to find something to stop the bleed, nut suddenly I felt like i didn't really have a need to. My parents would never except who I was, Maya had someone else, and Alison was dead. Though part of me was convinced she'd never real cared about me, she was still something to hod on too. No one needed me, no one wanted me, and I no longer had friends to turn to anymore. I had no reasons to stop it or encourage it, I would leave it up to fate, time, whatever. It no longer mattered to me if I lived or died.

"Emily?" called a voice from the other side of the door, "Are you in there?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Um, yeah," I breathed out getting up to unlock the door.

Opening the door i had half a mind to just close it again when I saw that Maya was the one on the other side. "Do you need some thing?" I groaned not feeling like I even had the strength to stand. "Hey, Emily are you okay? she wonder taking my face in her hands in order to keep my head up. "I'm fine, I'm just a little sick," I lied, losing my words as they came out.

"Emily-"

"What?"

"Oh god! You're bleeding!"

"It's no big,"

"What do you mean it's 'No big', that's pretty big!'

"Just leave it alone,"

"How can I leave it alone? It looks like you've stuck your arm in a box full of broken glass!"

"Please just go I'll take care of it,"

"No! Now come!" demanded Maya taking me by my uninjured arm towards the bathroom. I could help but wince when the cool water engulfed my arm as Maya cleaned some of the dried blood. Having me sit down on the side of the tube she went through all my cabinets for first aid supplies, and not long after she'd found it she bandaged me up. Leading me downstairs she had me lay down on the couch while she went to go do something else. She came back a few moments later with to calcium tablets and a glass of water. Before I even had a chance to abject she had me take them then sat down net to me.

"Okay I'm fine, all fixed up," I said with slight irritation in my voice.

"What the heel were you think?' she shouted glaring at me.

"It was an accident I'd have taken care of it,"

"Like hell that was an accident, Emily!"

"Just leave it alone, plus I'm sure there are other places you'd rather be,"

"Why do think that, you need me right now!"

"I never asked for any help!"

"And if I hadn't helped you'd have died,"

"SO!"

"So, that all you have to say?"

"There is nothing to say!" I shot back feeling fresh tears sting my eyes.

"If I'd been any later who knows what would've happened!" she fumed glaring at. I looked away scared to say anything else, I couldn't let her know that she was part of the reason for what had happened. She whispered my name reaching a hand out to me, but I flinched away from her touch. Retracting her hand she placed them in her lap as the uneasy silence fell between us.

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A/N: Too late for me to really think straight I may end up redoing this whole chapter. Yes or know let me know please.

Please review.


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